toby keith: songwriter/artist of the decade. wait what?

http://music.rightcelebrity.com/?p=2954

Country music star Toby Keith’s songwriting skills over the last 10 years are being recognized as the Nashville Songwriters Association International voted the star as Songwriter/Artist of the Decade.

The award will be presented to Keith on October 18 during an Awards Dinner at the Renaissance Hotel in Nashville.

Tank’s Take: Wow... Country music really has no one that has talent... At least not in the years 2000-2010

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I literally had a run in with a guy in Helena, MT when Toby Keith's name came up.

I might as well called this guy's sister a whore...

because he spewed out some of the most vile language I have ever heard.

"Toby Keith is the biggest piece of shit. No talent horse fucker."

At this point in my life I didn’t even really know who Keith was...

So I did some research. I understand that most Toby Keith's songs could have been found in a Wal-Mart Brand edition of “Red, White and Blue MadLibs...”

But I still don't know why that guy blew up at the mention of Keith's name.

Un-Related Story:

Did you know I once punched a kid in the nuts just because someone dared me to do it?

I was only 6 at the time, so you can't pull my man card...

Back to the topic:

It's true Toby Keith has some basic patriotic lyric machine in his basement...

Let's take a look -

Actual Keith lyrics from "American Soldier"...

You can bet that I stand ready when the wolf growls at the door,

Hey, I'm solid, hey I'm steady, hey I'm true down to the core,

Wolf? I thought the sign of the apocalypse is an Iphone that learns to think for itself and downloads the "kill humans" app.

And I will always do my duty, no matter what the price,

I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice,

You've counted up the cost? So you mean to tell me a person who is a genius at math... just elects to "join" the army?

Oh wait, it’s a metaphor? Fuck your metaphors!

Oh, and I don't want to die for you,

But if dyin's asked of me, I'll bear that cross with an honor...

I guess we don't have to twist your arm too much... "I won't do it...no way... unless you say please that is."

Now I took these lyrics out of context, sure...

And I do like me some "As good as I once was"

(It's battling neck and neck with "A Spoonful of Sugar" as my karaoke song)

But c'mon Songwriter/Artist of the decade? Not when one of your song titles is "Jesus gets jealous of Santa Claus."

Next you'll tell me a black dude can sing country too...

Oops!

things that make you go, hmmmmm

Does anyone find it ironic (and yes I have seen George Carlin’s bit on “Irony” and know what it means) that Michael J. Fox was in a series of movies about time travel? And that if the world was a perfect place he could just keep traveling back in time to before he started to shake. He could live day after day prior to his shake filled nights. Or he could travel to the future, when we have a cure for Parkinson’s, get all fixed up, go back to present time and live out his life being able to play Wii successfully.

You know the part at the end of the first movie, when Doc comes with the time machine and says that Marty and Jennifer have to go back to the future with him because of, “their kids”. I always picture Doc coming up to Marty running and saying, “We got to go back to the future! You start shaking all the time! No one will let you hold their babies, or take pictures of anything. (Were those low blows to one of the nicest people in Hollywood?) The crappy thing is that he’ll find out that he doesn’t get any taller in the future either. I wonder which one he’s more pissed about? Being short forever, or having Parkinson’s and not being able to play freeze tag with his kids.

I wonder.

God do I wonder.

"G" should go back to Gatorade

I must have missed something. Why on earth would Gatorade change their name to just "G"? They pretty much had the market for sport drinks didn't they? I mean how many times do you say, "I could really go for a Gatorade right now." When your companies name becomes the brand, I would say that it would be wise to not change your name. That would be like kleenex changing it's name to "K". It just doesn't make a lick of sense. Do the people at the top of the "G" company have any idea how easy it is to confuse the American public? People love the fact that their world doesn't change. They love that Friends is going to be on at 6:00 every night, that a Big Mac is called a Big Mac, and not a "BM", they love that every Nickleback song sounds the same. So long story short, President Bush had a better idea when he invested our social security in the stock market.

The other thing that I don't get is the names of their flavors. When Gatorade, what the fuck am I thinking, "G", came out I knew what the fucking flavors were because I looked at the label and the color of the liquid inside. I know what fruit punch, lemon-line, grape and orange taste like because I'm older than 6. But no matter what age you are, you have no idea what these flavors taste like:

• Cool Blue




• Red Drive




• Frost




• Cool Fusion




• Quiet Storm




• True Force

What the fuck is that? Have you ever tasted True Force? Oh God it's so good. I mean I can't get enough. Or Quiet Storm, tastes a lot like actually a quiet storm. A loud storm, that tastes like shit.

And I'm not drinking this shit if it leaks out of my body in the color that it went into me. Not cool, Gatorade is sticky too.