Who the Fuck is Tyler Perry?

Maybe I don't know because I'm white. Maybe I don't know because .... well that's all I really all I could come up with. I've heard the name, Tyler Perry. Don't get me wrong, but I wouldn't be able to pick him out of a police lineup. In all seriousness, If some one came up to me and said I'm going to shove a tea cup filled to the brim with AIDS blood up your ass if you can't tell me 1 Tyler Perry movie, you could just call me Freddie Mercury. I have just two questions. A) Is this guy a Wayans brother? B) Is his show on the WB?

So I did some research and found out that he comes out with a new movie about every 4 months. He shoots his shit like a day time soap or a porno. Apparently he just dresses up in fat costumes and that's pretty much the jest of it.



I love all comedy expect Dane Cook, trust me. But I don't get what makes a black comedian. To make it as a black comedian it takes to two things.



1) dress up in some sort of fat suit and play a variety of characters in one movie or TV show. Eddie Murphy did it in Nutty Professor which was funny. You know what wasn't funny? The next 4 Nutty Professors, 27 Tyler Perry movies, and 11 Big Mamma movies.

2) make fun of white people and talk about how dorky they are and how we talk funny. That midget Kat Williams, my fucking God! First cursing is cool, that's why your parents don't want you to do it. But that ugly shit curses because he don't know what to say.

Now I don't want you to think I'm getting racial on you. Because I'm talking about a group of so called comedians, where that is their whole act. Bros like Dave Chappelle, Richard Pryor, Bill Cosby and Chris Rock to name a few, are absolutely amazing. They talk about everyone under the sun and that's some funny shit. And it's the same on the other side of things. Larry the Cable Guy is a goon, with no sense of the word humor.

Easy as pie

Food for Thought. What does that Mean?

• Everyone who loved Conan when Andy Richter was his sidekick will be smiling today (WWTDD)

• I don't know if making one of the best television series of all time into a movie is a good idea. But don't argue that you won't go see Arrested Development on the big screen. Apparently everyone has signed on.

• I know everyone is watching the combine day and night. But if you're not, Rich Eisen ran the 40.

Megan Fox Dumps David Silver at West Beverly Prom

Well this news won't shock anyone who has seen Megan Fox. And really won't shock anyone who has seen Brian Austin Green. You don't know who that is? Really? Maybe the name David Silver suits him better. Don't get me wrong, I catch David Silver and the rest of the 90201 gang on Soupnet every morning. (One of the best intro songs of all time by the way). Well some how Green has been dating Fox since 2004 and they were even engaged. You knew the 22 year old beauty would wake up realize that she was sleeping next to a 35 year old dude that used to grace the cover of Teen Beat and Play Girl.


Now all you losers can jerk off to at least a single girl that you have no chance with.

The Need to Know News For You

Yeah this guy never had a chick and if he did, she wasn't awake (film drunk)

Anyone who has Patrick Swayze in their death pool better cross their fingers (WWTDD)

Just because they're the KKK, doesn't mean they can't have a softball team (next round)

I know two people that will think this tattoo is awesome. Outside of that, everyone take a quick look and realize he probably married to his cousin (In Game Now)

Cooper's Voice - Chimp Rips Women's Face Off

Apparently, a pet chimp attacked a woman and almost beat her to death this past weak. The chimp had no previous history of violence but for some reason attacked a woman until the cops came and , if I could quote Peter Gabriel here, “shot the monkey” with a handgun and took him down. The monkey apparently had lime disease, which can make them crazy and violent (however, I think he was just pissed because he had a gay name like “Travis”) This story is so ridiculous I just need to make some random comments on it:

1.) No one loves monkeys more than me. I think they are hilarious. Especially when they wear tuxedos and top-hats. They are even funnier when they spoof movies on TV with human voice overs. Nonetheless, this monkey scares the UTTER CRAP out of me. According to CNN, this monkey was famous and a celebrity. How is an animal more popular than me? He apparently was in several Old Navy commercials swinging on a rope. Point two is that CNN stated that this monkey, “could bathe and dress himself and USE A COMPUTER”! I don’t know about you but I don’t want monkeys using computers. If monkeys keep evolving at this rate they will undoubtedly take us out. That is dangerously close to “Planet of the Apes”. As soon as a monkey figures out how to operate a search engine I think we will be running from them on their horses and wearing loin clothes while simultaneously dodging their lassos. Charelston Heston is probably rolling over in grave (he’s dead right?). I used to think that “the machines” would take us out after seeing the “The Matrix” and “The Terminator” movies but it seems as though the monkeys may pick up the torch of destroying humanity.

2.) Apparently the monkey attacked the woman and her friend tried to get the monkey off by stabbing it REPEATEDLY with a knife but the simian didn’t slow down. Then the cop showed up with a gun and the monkey attacked THE COP who had to fire several times to take this monkey down. Now, I know this sounds terrible, but that has to be one of the coolest things EVER to actually see. If u think you wouldn't want to see that you are liar. This reminds me of Bart the Bear. He was also a famous Hollywood actor animal that went crazy and killed his trainer. I'm starting to think that these animals are having a hard time dealing with fame. I think Lindsey Lohan will be the next animal to go crazy and have to be shot

3.) According to the CNN article, monkeys are 7 times stronger than humans who have the same weight. Why haven’t we been using them to create some type of army of super soldiers? I refuse to believe that we can send an ape into space but can’t let a dozen monkeys loose on some Iraqi battalions in the middle east.

I love monkeys.

Cooper's Voice

MY NOMINATION FOR ATHLETE OF THE YEAR

I have never been a huge fan of the Olympics as of late. As far as I am concerned the Olympics peaked at the very moment Kari Strug landed that final jump with the threat of forced-anorexia from Bela Karolyi in the back of her mind. It wasn’t pride or glory that motivated her, but rather her survival instinct and desire to get her “one-jelly-bean-a-day” food allowance. Even then, I wasn’t into the Olympics because of that aspect, but rather bc I was 13 and was extremely turned on by Dominique Moceanu in those tight tights (SIDENOTE: one day advertisers will get wise and place logos on their butts, like they do on the hoods of NASCAR stock cars. That’s what the male audience is looking at.)

However, I think the Olympics has a new savior in a guy by the name of Michael Phelps. This guy seems like he could get me back on the Olympic bandwagon. It's not his records that impress me. I am not impressed by swimming or his records and here my reasons why:

1.) Speedos make me uncomfortable (I mean comfortable to look at, but I gotta say they are very comfortable to wear. I am very open to the idea of walking around my apartment in one when my roommates are gone. Its strictly a comfort issue)

2.) man is not a water creature. We should not celebrate this aquatic blasphemy. Its unnatural. I am a huge believer in doing whats natural (at least that’s what I tell the ladies when I don’t wanna use a condom)

3.) Phelps’ records are tainted. He only beat Mark Spitz’s (the previous record holder’s) records by a little bit, BUT Mark Spitz had a sweet 70’s mustache and a great disco style hairy chest that the ladies loved in that era. This extra hair clearly offered more drag in the water and slowed him down. Phelps shaves everything. That’s unfair. A hairless Spitz would crush Phelps.

No, sir. None of his swimming accolades impress me. I DO, however, respect his out-of-the-pool antics. This Phelps cat apparently parties pretty hard. Recently pictures came out of him hitting a bong at a party with young college chicks. This is awesome. Now that he has gold medals and millions of dollars in endorsements and never has to work, he feels as though he is on permanent spring break. I can’t hate on that because that is exactly what I would do. He also has a DUI and is following in the proud footsteps of Jim McMahon and charles barkley (not that I condone drunk driving, its just that some of my favorite athletes have them. Plus, its not like any of these guys went all the way and committed vehicular manslaughter, right? Right?) All I am saying is that America (and by America I mean me) loves to root for the bad boy and this gives Phelps just that image. That’s why everyone likes the Fonz over Ritchie Cunningham or, for the younger audiences, Sean Hunter over Corey Matthews. Nonetheless, Kudos, Mr. Phelps. All I need now is a sex tape and I may actually hang a poster of you in my room (no homo).

A-ROID

Ok, well we all already hated A-Rod. I mean the dude was an ultimate douche on a day in and day out basis. Now that he has tested positive and admitted to steroid use, My hatred has grown to monumental proportions. When I first heard about A-Rod testing positive, the first thought that actually went through my mind was he tested positive with hepatitis. I mean he was with that Petra dish of disease Madonna. She has to be the only person in the world to sleep with both Vanilla Ice and crazy ass Sean Penn. When I heard that that wasn't the case, steroids were the next thought.

Isn't this great when you think about it? He has to be the most fragile athlete that has ever walked the earth. With this coming to light, he's probably going to lose his mind through out all of this. What makes it all the better is that the other 103 players that tested positive, will never have their names released. Isn't that a swift kick to the pants for A-Rod?

All I have to say is that if Ken Griffey Jr. ever tests positive, baseball is going to lose this guy as a fan.