From the Archives

I found this other day when I spent a hot minute on myspace. Does anyone other than petter-asses use that site these days? Anyway, I found this on my blog on there, and thought it was kind of funny, so here it is from the archives of America's Detour .....

Well something happened. Something that will turn this crazy world we all know upside down. Something more shocking than finding a dead Australian born actor in a bed naked, OD'ed on sleeping pills and pain killers. Oh yeah, if you didn't know, Heath Ledger is like JFK dead. Dead Dead. Anyways, I don't know if everyone heard the news, I did because I'm on her mailing list and I'm recording secretary of her fan club, but the one and only Jenna Jameson is PREGNANT! With a real human kid, no donkey human hybrid. So when I found out it really got the thoughts spinning in my head like lottery balls. (Balls in or around my head and face is not cool now that I think about it.) How the fuck did this happen? One would think that her vaginal cavity is as baron as the fucking Sudan. I thought you would have a better chance trying to grow a God damn dandelion out there, than sperm finding its way to what I thought were something that resembled Easter Eggs found sometime in late May. And then you have to take into account the actual size of that region. Any woman outside of the porn industry and say my girlfriends should have a birth canal that would resemble say, a Dixie cup. So I feel that Tito's sperm (Oh she is dating Tito Ortiz the Ultimate Fighter. And I don't know about you but can you say Learning Disabilities for this little shit?) Would have to search like Indiana Jones to find an egg to latch onto. By the way, didn't everyone think she had AIDS the way she has been losing weight and quitting porn? (no one quits porn, you're just told to leave) I had her in my AIDS pool at work actually. Why would Tito want to be in that disease ridden zone without at least wearing a box of rubbers or a one piece latex body suit? Think of the amount of nut that has been in that woman? I mean think about it. I'm thinking a backyard swimming pool, with a mother fucking deep end. I mean I know in porn dudes pull out and do there biz all over the room, so with that in mind, now think about it. This is going to be one rich ass kid though. Jenna makes some where in the vicinity of 30 mill a year. So this kid is going to have all the golden dildo teething toys he can handle. And if it's a girl, boy does she have the career to strive for. By the way, I'm thinking its going to be hard to keep this little coke induced fetus in her uterus for nine months. I'm thinking some time around the 5^th month this fucker might just fall right out while Jenna's at the grocery store or at bridge club. A) Tito Jr. is wet and slimy and B) Jenna could hide a football helmet in an empty room naked. It's gravity folks, I didn't invent it, Newton did. So lastly can anyone say Prego-Porn? Because I can't think of any other way this Kid could be more fucked

Prego-Porn, Prego Porn, Prego-Porn (say it 3 times fast)

Seacrest out