This is Great .... Unless you're Jerry Sandusky, Joe Paterno, Mike McQueary, Anyone Who Graduated From Penn State, Anyone Who Goes To Penn State, Well You Get The Idea

looking for related nfl programming if the lockout continues?

football cops is a high action drama that stars two of the biggest names to ever wear a badge.  peyton manning helps his mentally challenged brother fight crime on the tough streets of ..... i have no fucking idea what i'm writing here, just watch ok.





isn't eli so adorable "trying" to act?  or even "act" like a normal functioning member of society for that matter.

this beats jumping over a car .... always.

if some one at the dunk contest simply did this dunk they would have won without the use of a stuffed animal, two baskets, a car, a choir, a cupcake, a cape (so so gay) or three balls.






yeah eat shit NBA, I bet this dude works at a car wash and runs shit.

not that anyone is interested, but ashlee simpson is looking to fuck.

Say it ain’t so. Ashlee (wow 2 e's, how indi) Simpson has filed divorce papers, and will be separating from Pete Wentz. Remember when everything on the planet was about the Simpson sisters? What a sad time we lived in back then. We hadn’t yet figured out that crazy housewives from around the country were much more
interesting than two dumb middle class sisters. The day came back in 2007 when everyone realized
that they couldn’t sing or lip-sync very well for that matter, act, dance, talk, spell, not gain weight
excessively, voice opinions that anyone cared about, whistle, juggle, think, give men boners, jump,
wave, blink, and chew to name a few.

We heard for about a hot minute that the fat one was getting married to a former NFL player that
was as good at football as Jessica was at singing. Awesome. Now we here that Ashley is leaving her
husband, the wonderfully feminine Pete Wentz. But those two kids were crazy about each other, what
went wrong! They had Valentine’s Day plans for Christ’s Sake, and now this? The dozen members of
the Ashley Simpson fan club are going to be just devastated. The two early 2000’s stars have a 2 year
old child together, aptly named Bronx (oh you celebrities and how you so falsely show how creative/
artsy you are through your children’s names.)

Quick question, what’s the over/under on this divorce being a product of, “No one’s talking about me!”
Well I’ve talked about it today, but I’ll forget about you tomorrow Simpson sisters. Or at least until one
of you leak a sex tape.

drunk ernie Photo of the Week

the doctor is in.

New Rule: Never piss off a ginger. Happy MLK day

By the way, NSFW

Where You at Sindney Crosby?

Drunk Ernie Photo of the Week

Subject: Ernie

Date: Boozefest 2007

Place: outside the Candlelight Tavern in Denver

Back story: This was after hour 17 of "no sleeves no problem"

Garrett Wittels - a debate for real sports and bryant gumbel

A question for the ages.  Should going to prison for rape officially end one’s hit streak?  This is a question that we are all going to be asking ourselves over the next few months.  FIU infielder Garrett Wittels currently has a 56 game hit streak heading into the 2011 season.  He is just two hits shy of former super star Robin Ventura’s Division I record of 58 back in 1987.  (Venture is more famously known as the brother of Jesse, and uncle to Ace.) Wittels season will kick off February 18th with three nationally televised games.  In comes the rub.  Wittels has been charged with raping a 17 year old girl while vacationing in the Bahamas.  Whoops-e-daisy. People have told me that the Bahamas have kind of a rape feel to them, but I wouldn't know, I’ve only been to Disney World. Now unlike Garrett, I have a strict code I live by.  If I have a hit streak I don’t rape.  Call me old fashion, call me superstitious, call me a prude, call me what you will, I just cannot and will not mess with a streak.  But maybe Garrett doesn’t normally rape during a hit streak either.  Maybe Garrett got caught up with a rapey kind of crowd; lord knows that can happen too.  Two of Garrett’s buddies have been accused of rape as well.  One tomcat has been accused of raping two 17 year old girls.  I won’t use his name because HE doesn’t have a hit streak.  Now Wittels’ father, Michael the Orthopedist, says that the two girls claimed they were students at the University of Arkansas.  Wait a minute here, two girls?  If my math serves me correctly, that is three dudes, two girls and 4 charges.  Oh my word the train has entered the station. 

                Back to the point at hand, should the streak come to an end if Wittels goes to prison? (Maximum sentence in the Bahamas for raping on a hit streak is 7 years.)  Say Garrett does 4 years for good behavior, and comes back to FIU ready to continue his quest for the record.  He gets a hit in his first 3 games and breaks the record.  Does he now hold the record?  Is there a rape asterisks?  Will the NCAA have a rapless record of 58, and a rape included record of 59?  I think the Garrett’s rape record will undoubtedly be more respected as the tougher of the two to be broken.  I mean the moon and stars really need to aligned for another player to hit in 59 games with a rape sentence in a foreign country shoved right in the middle of it all. Sorry Cal Ripken, looks like you don’t have the toughest streak to break now do you. 

just put her down already.

Don't you think it's time? many of you have had pets, and you all know when it's time to call it quits. shouldn't that same sentiment come into play with celebrities? as good citizens of this plants, lindsey lohan serves no purpose to us, other than an ultimate gimme in any death pool.  (if she goes before april, mwp wins $250). if anything she's a drain on our society, using up tabloid pages that could be covered with pictures of leo's latest sexual conquest. instead of masturbating to leo's wonderful life full of yachts, anal bleached high class hookers and world domination, we are stuck with pictures of lohan's "fair" skin. in this context,"fair" = aids lesions like tom hanks had in philadelphia. hollywood is for beautiful people and maggie gyllenhaal.

now throwing a booze fest in your room at rehab is kinda awesome. it's not cool when it's done by a total w.o.a.l (waste of a life). if you told me that robert downey jr had hookers, blow, midgets and balloons fill his room at betty ford this christmas, i would start shooting H between my toes in an attempt to get an invite.  that fake lesbian for attention gets entirely too much coverage in the blog world.  we can all be writing about the kick ass shit. instead everyday i have to read about how this hatchet wound got wasted again and lost another job.  that's the average american.  MWP doesn't cover the average americans!  this is the last you will hear about old yeller from MWP, well at least until they put her down.

the greatest roast of all time?

if you're a fan of MWP, you know we don't think too highly of the larry the cable fags and the dane cocks, sorry cooks, of the world.  his act is ok.  and i mean ok in the sense that if you slept with britney murphy recently, you would say that she was just ok.

that brings me to this.  jeffery ross is hands down one of the greatest insult comics.  how do people like dane cock (that one was on purpose) get so huge and sellout areas across this country, when people like ross still aren't household names. 

case and point. (nsfw)

nfl fears players will kill dogs for super powers after vick's performance

(new york) - nfl commissioner Roger Goodell has a crisis of near monumental proportions on his hands at this hour.  after philadelphia eagle mike vick showcased one of the greatest performances in nfl history, news has spread around the league of his super powers and where they derive from.  vick, a convicted dog fighter, has become the talk of the nfl this season after being named the starter, then the back-up, then the starter, next a back up, and then starter this season.  after head coach andy reid grew tired of switching qb's in the same manor as a cat does with a ball of yarn, vick has shown extreme skill and awareness since sealing the starting spot. it's as though he has something no other player in the nfl possesses.  since his release from prison, vick has shown an increase in agility, quickness, strength, speed and smell.  "you think he's jaw dropping on the football field? you should see my man chase down a frisbee", said philadelphia eagle wide receiver desean jackson.  after hearing such a quote, this journalist put the pieces together and headed for some answers.  it took only one simple question to uncover a truth that could put k9's in danger for at least the rest of the nfl regular season.

mwp - "mr. vick, do you think your performance on the field this season has anything to do with your dog fighting past?" 
vick - "when you kill a dog you not only inherit their soul, but you also inherit their power and essence as a being."

can you believe that?  mike vick used the word inherit twice in a single sentence.  after torturing and killing a dog, a person must also "inherit" a dog's intellect as well.   

i dug deeper.  "so you're admitting that your amazing play this past monday night is some how related to killing dogs?"  "oh without a doubt.  and the best part is that super powers brought on by killing dogs are not banned substances according to the nfl."

after my article with vick was published in the world renowned horse and hound, new spread throughout the nfl quickly about where vick's talent derived from.  players from san fransisco to miami flocked to their local pounds to acquire dogs, or should i say talent.  commissioner goodell has been quoted, "we are on the verge of one of the largest epidemics this nation has ever seen."  people around the country have been told to keep their dogs indoors and to keep their distance from anyone who appears to be able to run fast and lift large amounts of weight.  further details have not yet been disclosed at this time, but we will keep you up to date with new developments as they happen

-mammals with pants

still the best ever!

With so many high school football videos making it big lately, it's time to take a trip down memory lane to the greatest high school football video of all-time..  It's the Texas state finals.  Make sure the volume is turned up, because the two nut wagons calling this game are true Americans.  It's a shame I didn't post it on veterans day now that I think of it.

Drunk Ernie Photo of the Week

right where he belongs.

Who Thought Kickers Were So Badass?

Well I have a new favorite player and he goes by the name of Pat McAffe.  Don't get him confused with your computer software protection, because he's a bad ass.  Short story shorter, he got wasted and decided to go swimming in a river downtown Indy.  When confronted by police about if he had been drinking, McAffe replied, "A lot, because I'm drunk." 

Story here.

where do I get a Pat McAffe jersey?