Cooper's Help During a Difficult Time

Cooper’s tips to free drinks

1.) Fat chicks (I know this is an obvious one).- You can usually find a crowd of them and dazzle them with two or so jokes and then the phrase “lets all do a shot!” Done. Make sure its something sugary like a soco and lime. They cant resist that. But get the hell out after that. Their hips may get bigger and you will be trapped by a wall of cellulite and personal-shame.

2.) Find an acquaintance at the bar.- You know, not a close friend of yours but someone that you have hung out with like twice. Find out what this person is drinking and order off his tab. Order TWO and point at this person (make sure the bartender sees you point to him and get “approval” to use his tab). Then give him one of the drinks. He will think you got him a drink and will have already lost the drink count in his head. This can keep going all night but it is IMPERATIVE that you get this person really drunk.

3.) I have only resorted to this in really dire financial times (a lot in college). Go to a place with 2 dollar beer specials. Walk in with around 4 singles. Order a beer near a spot at the bar that already has dollar tips on the ground. Put a dollar on top of that pile and take two dollars for every dollar you put down. They’’ think you are just taking back some of the “over-tip” you gave them. You can keep drinking all night.

4.) Find girls who are 6’s or 7’s. DO NOT pay attention to their hot friends. They will gladly buy you a drink if you pull my “hey, can I buy you a drink…….oops wait one second I’ll go grab cash out of the ATM..ahhh, that’s a long line though.” They won’t want to (A)-stop the attention that they are getting or (B) seem as though they care about money. 6’s and 7’s just wanna help out