COOPER'S VOICE

Boxers or Briefs? Paper or Plastic? Mary Kate or Ashley? All of these are tough questions but here is the most difficult question of all time: THE BEATLES OR THE ROLLING STONES? Tough question because the Beatles pretty much started the rock and roll revolution, however, the stones may have perfected it.

One thing about the Beatles: They started out wearing suits and sang harmless songs like “she loves me yea yea” and girls were their primary fan base. They were essentially the original boy band. However, they gained credibility throughout the years. That’s like the Backstreet Boys somehow morphing into Led Zeppelin. That’s incredibly hard to do.
ADVANTAGE BEATLES

ROCK AND ROLL LIFESTYLE: I will have to give it to the stones. Keith Richards has done enough coke to kill entire nations of people, yet somehow still goes strong. Granted he looks like a morph between a bulimic chick and my left nut (wrinkles) but still he is ALIVE and that alone is amazing. The Beatles did drugs too, but they all stopped years ago and 50 percent of the band is still dead.
ADVANTAGE STONES

Lead singers: Jagger vs Lennon. (I realize that the Beatles kind of had numerous lead singers but I think we all think of Lennon as the front man) This is relatively easy. Lennon had Yoko Ono who pretty much destroyed the band and was a weird looking chick. Mick Jagger had super-model Jerry Hall and was still hooking up with all kinds of girls on the side. Jerry Hall just put up with it because “he was a rock star”. Awesome. Now there is the rumor that Jagger and slept with David Bowie. Now, no one knows if that is true, but if it were a proven fact, Jagger would fall in the dude ranks fast. But him and Richards did have their fair share of ladies.
ADVANTAGE STONES

GUITAR PLAYERS: Richards vs Harrison. George Harrison got really into the Hindu religion and stopped partying. Before that he was just 18 when the Beatles were huge. He was banned from several towns throughout Europe because he and Paul kept setting their hotel rooms on fire. So he did start out cool. Richards still gets wasted and falls out of coconut trees in Fiji and he is in his 70’s. Also, last time I checked Johnny Depp based Captain Jack Sparrow on Keith Richards, not George Harrison. Pirates are awesome and if George Harrison couldn’t be a pirate I don’t like him. Finally, “Beast of Burden” has a much manlier guitar riff than “Here comes the sun”. ADVANTAGE STONES.
CHAMPION=STONES

COOPER'S VOICE

I am a Notre Dame fan and root hard for Brady Quinn. I respect his athletic ability as well as his overall ability to scoop up chicks AT WILL. A friend of mine just asked me who will be Brady Quinn’s first celebrity girlfriend now that he is the starter for the Cleveland Browns and this got me thinking: Does Brady Quinn nail a celeb chick just for the sake of hotness or does he nail a celeb chick for straight–up Darwinism?



Brady Quinn could get in the pants of pretty much any young chick in Hollywood. His movie star looks, awesome athletic prowess and Notre Dame-educated mind make him irresistible to any woman that walks this earth who is not attracted to Ellen Degeneres (and even there I believe that he can convert some of them back to our team). He has no doubt been TEARING through the Cleveland bar scene since the draft and could show up to bars just wearing a tube sock and leave with 2 chicks on each arm in under 5 minutes. He's been slinging webs all over the women of the mistake by the lake. However, I think that this may actually work AGAINST him as far as getting it on with actresses/models. Things have been to easy for him and he can always find a HOTTER chick, so I think at this point he will just look for a better GENETIC match. AJ Hawk of the packers has been sticking it to Brady Quinn’s sister for years and they will undoubtedly give birth to an amazingly athletic child. Brady is not one to be beaten and surely sees this as a competition. He will have to find a woman that is an attractive Olympic high jumper or somebody like that to breed a super athlete that can challenge AJ Hawks offspring. I recommend Maria Sharapova or Jennie Finch. These girls are amazing athletes and have hotness to compliment their skills. Jennie Finch may be the better candidate because she obviously has arm strength because she is a pitcher. If you add that to the firepower that is Brady Quinn’s right arm you are looking at the most powerful arm in the history of man. She might be married to a MLB pitcher, but he is sub par at best on the field and in the sack. Once Jennie looks into the brilliant eyes of Quinn, her panties will instantly dissolve right off her body. Because that's what Brady does, he's a panty killer. That kid will be handed the Heisman as soon as he leaves the womb.