Cooper's Voice

Here are Coop's picks in a category that few seldom think about. What cartoon characters would I like to sleep with. The funny thing is that A) he has a girlfriend, and B) he's not Asian. Figure that?

5^th place- April from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles- I will admit that it is kind of a nostalgia pic but whatever. That yellow jumpsuit that she wore was pretty hot. By the way, have you ever seen a reporter wear a skin tight yellow leather jumpsuit? I am pretty sure that’s not how you become a legitimate journalist. I never saw Barbara Walters slut it up like that back in the day.

SIDENOTE: I always thought that there was a weird sexual tension between her and Michelangelo. Anyone else think they hooked up a couple of times off camera?

4^th place- Cartman’s mom from south park. Its just that I think she knows things from all her experience and will be down with “the weird stuff” that I like. She probably doesn’t have any safe words either. Don’t judge me.

3^rd place-Little mermaid- Although I have a standard no-red-head rule ever since a red headed chick tried to rape me in a female bathroom stall sophomore year of college, I think this one is OK. Not the mermaid version tho. Only the version of her with legs. It gave that priest in the movie a boner so I don’t know why I would be any different. I could make an obvious mermaid/fish smell/vag choke here but I am too classy for that.

2^{nd place}- The chick from Aladdin is pretty smoking too. But I think I am attracted more to her money than anything else. Its kinda how I think Paris Hilton is OK, but I LOVE her because of the future wealth she offers me if I knock her up.

1^st place- I think that goes to Jessica rabbit. Such a woman could not exist anatomically in the real world, plus she is obviously not picky because she would even bang a rabbit. Hot chick with low standards= my type of gal. She is the prize